Stuff I did wrong and am really sorry about

(SOUNDTRACK)

It’s been slightly quiet from Moist this week, both because I’ve been busy quitting my day job (no, Moist isn’t making me into a millioneuse, in case you were wondering) and because I’ve been contemplating this post. This is by far the hardest one I’ve written.

I recently wrote about a care-full methodology. I’ve been thinking about care-fullness a lot and last weekend I posted the story of transferring. In that post I wrote about the visceral experience of handling other people’s blood and was subsequently contacted by the donor of the blood I had written about, who had been upset by my words. I hadn’t considered that this particular menstruator could find it upsetting and I hadn’t chosen my words carefully. I deleted part of the post and considered removing it completely, but decided to leave it there and write this instead, realizing that this incident is a very important lesson on the ethics of this project.

I’m really terribly sorry to have acted in a way that wasn’t considerate of my donor’s feelings. Thinking about it makes my stomach knot up, kind of like when you think about something terrible you did when you were really drunk last night. I’m still pretty angry with myself for not seeing this, disappointed that I was lax about handling another human being’s feelings and embarrassed that I put it onto a public platform. There’s a very fine line between the humorous tone I purposefully employ on this blog and overstepping personal boundaries, which I did on this occasion. In future I will remind myself to speak with care, even whilst being funny.

To illustrate what I mean by this care-full methodology, I want to give another example:

A very smart friend of mine sent me an email proposing a series of menstrual cum shots and while I could see the point I felt kind of iffy about the reality of doing this. It took me a bit of time to figure out why, and this is what I concluded: Cum shots are pretty disrespectful. I don’t have big issues with porn, but I do think that most porn is made with an eye to making profit, to exploitation, and with a problematic relationship with bodies, sex and gender. In short, it’s made without care. It could be argued that making a series of menstrual cum shots would be subversive, infect pornographic pictorial language, but I don’t really think those representations should be given voice at all. I don’t want to reiterate care-less imagery and I don’t think shock is always the best strategy even though I employ it a lot. So out of care, for a caring handling of menstrual and body cultures, I’m very respectfully declining the idea.

Going back to my thoughtless handling of donor blood, the incident has sparked long discussions on ethics, and I will be writing more about this in future. For now I’m apologizing for not being care-full and for not respecting a fellow menstruator’s personal bondaries. So I’m really sorry, so sorry, that I was such a fool.

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